7 Reasons Why Modesty Matters

Modesty.

That word is pretty loaded for us ladies. It makes you think of school dress codes, leggings, frumpy clothes, dressing room struggles, body image, and a host of other things. Modesty is a struggle sometimes. We grow up in our feminist culture believing that modesty was man's idea, and I do mean man. We've seen modesty used for religious pride and subjugation of women. But those negative uses of modesty are perversions of a good thing, not evidence of modesty being bad. I would submit to you that modesty is God's idea, and that he has good reasons for it.

Biblical Reasons for Modesty:

1. Modesty is a picture of the gospel.

In the garden of Eden, we know that man and woman were created without clothing. There was no shame in their nakedness (Gen. 2:25). But after they sinned, they became aware and self-conscious of their nakedness (Gen. 3:10). This newfound shame is a reflection of the true shame of guilt from sin and separation from our Holy God. But, in God's mercy, he killed an animal, shedding blood, to make a covering for them, to cover their shame, just like Jesus shed his blood to ultimately remove our shame (Gen. 3:21). When we cover our bodies, we are putting on display God's mercy in covering our sin in Christ.

2. Modesty shows the true beauty of humility.

Sometimes we can be immodest in genuine ignorance. But I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that we usually find immodesty appetizing because it will make us look better, sexier, en vogue, even more feminine. A little extra leg, cleavage, or curve-accentuating spandex and we feel beautiful.  

The problem with that is that it makes you the center of attention, not just in some hypothetical person's mind but more importantly in your own heart. Trying to look hotter for the public or your crush or your ex-boyfriend exposes a heart issue of self-worship. Sister, we are called to God-worship. His glory is what matters, not ours. Modesty says, "I'm laying aside my glory and pride because His has preeminence." And that is true beauty. 

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, 

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." 

(Prov. 31:30, ESV) 

"But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 

(1 Peter 3:4, ESV)

3. Modesty reserves your precious body for your future or current husband.

Try as we might, we cannot deny that our bodies are explicitly sexual in certain contexts. Consider lingerie ads: a woman's body is accentuated and highlighted with underwires, lace, and whatever else, all to market a look that will make a woman sexually pleasing. The Bible acknowledges the female form's sexual appeal also. Just read Song of Solomon and you quickly see it. So, this is not necessarily sinful, but the context matters. 

Showing much of your form, even in non-sexual contexts, still runs the very real risk of becoming sexual. For both men and women, God has given us a desire for, shall we say, reproduction. He made the means of reproduction pleasurable; thus, we have an instinctive drive toward it. A view of our bodies can awaken that drive.

Your form is beautiful, graceful, fearfully and wonderfully made, and also designed to trigger love from your husband. It is not meant to elicit that kind of response from men who are not your husband. Understanding this, we can honor our future or current husband by reserving the most intimate exposure of our form for his eyes only.

4. Modesty helps guard your brothers' hearts and minds. 

After reading #3, you know that our physical forms can (and often do) elicit lust from men. This has always been an opportunity for sin; it is not particular to our place, time, and culture. It is, however, a much more sensitive opportunity for sin now. With the rise of men, and even women, viewing and becoming addicted to pornography combined with the sexual media we see and hear everywhere we go, it's no wonder that sex is rarely far from the surface of men's thoughts. 

This is equally true for our brothers in Christ. In a world that worships sexual liberty and bombards their senses with explicit content, with Satan crouching nearby with locked-and-loaded lies and temptations, not to mention their own fleshly desires, the cards can be very much stacked against our brothers. They are in an uphill fight to have pure thoughts and obey God. Sister, be in their corner. Help them fight the good fight. Don't add to their temptations when you have the power to avoid it. 

5. Modesty helps keep you above reproach.

The Bible encourages and instructs us to not suggest even a hint of sexual immorality (Eph. 5:3). In order to be obedient to this, we have to ask ourselves, "What is my behavior or dress suggesting?" Based on the previous points, we can see that overly revealing clothes are legitimately suggestive of sexual immorality. Even if you know that your secret conduct is totally pure, it still matters what your presentation of yourself suggests. When you embrace modesty, it leaves no room for suspicion or accusation regarding your character. And that is a good thing.

6. Modesty represents Jesus well. 

You are an ambassador for Christ, and with that comes certain responsibilities. For example: When I interned in a public school during my undergrad, I was an ambassador for Auburn University. As such, I had to cover my otherwise visible tattoos and dress professionally. I submitted to this because Auburn, as the organization sending and backing me as an intern, had the right care how I represented them. This is even more true for Christ our King, who you represent. 

Non-Christians are watching us. When our dress and conduct are a misrepresentation of the truth of Scripture and the gospel and who God is, then those things are reviled by outsiders. There is a lot more to this than mere modesty, but modesty is part of it. As a representative of Christ, are you dressing in a way that shows you share His values?

7. Modesty is obedience that honors the Lord.

I'm not 100% sure on this, but I'm willing to guess this is the bottom line on this issue. We've explored the biblical heart behind modesty and the benefits of it, but what it comes down to is obedience vs. disobedience. Please don't read "legalism" here! I am not saying that you have to earn God's favor or supplement Christ's work with your own. But when you are trusting Christ for your hope, righteousness, and guilt-removal, it will result in obedience. This honors the Lord! It is an expression of love for him, trust in his wisdom, sharing his values, and submission to his authority. Rather than look at this is another "rule" you have to follow, I would encourage you to celebrate modesty as another area you can joyfully honor your Savior. 

The 3 Salads: Spring & Summer Hospitality Made Easy

Spring is here! That means summer is just around the corner, and people are getting out and getting together! You're going to have many opportunities this season to show hospitality at home, bring a fan favorite to a cookout, or serve a sister who just had a baby. In times like these, it's super handy to have some simple, easy, crowd-pleasing recipes up your sleeve. My 3 easy salads will give you just that!

#1: Summer Harvest Salad

Ingredients:

• Lettuce, washed and cut
• Strawberries, washed and quartered
• Mandarin Oranges, drained
• Toasted Pecans
• 1-2 tbs melted butter 
• Pinch of salt (if butter is not salted)
• Dressing (I'd advise vinaigrette. I used Ken's "Raspberry Walnut Vinaigrette") 

Procedure:

• Pre-heat oven to 350F. 
• Toss pecans in butter and salt. Spread out over cookie sheet.
• Cook pecans for ~10min, stirring midway through. Dry on a towel.
• Combine ingredients. Add dressing to taste. 
• Enjoy!

#2: Chicken Salad

Ingredients:

• 1lb Chicken, boiled and shredded 
• 1 c. Mayonaise
• 1/2 c. Whipped Cream
• 1/2-1 c. Craisins
• 1/2-1 c. Pecan Pieces  
• 1/2 tsp Salt
• Pepper, to taste

Procedure:

• Boil chicken in large pot for ~30 minutes.
• Remove chicken and shred in 1 1/2 quart container.
• Add remaining ingredients; stir well.
• Refrigerate to desired coldness. 
• Serve cold. (Optional: with pita chips, toast, crackers, or lettuce leaves.)
• Enjoy!

#3: Greek Pasta Salad

Ingredients:

• 1 box Rotini Pasta, cooked
• 2-4 Roma Tomatoes, chopped
• Feta Cheese, crumbled
• Fresh Basil, chopped 
• 16oz Greek Dressing

Procedure:

• Cook pasta in boiling water using large pot ~10 minutes.
• Strain pasta.
• Add tomatoes, basil, and dressing.
• Let cool for ~5 minutes, then add cheese.
• Stir well and refrigerate.
• Serve cold.
• Enjoy! 

May your warm months be full of good food and fellowship with these recipes! Bon Apetit!

The Cross He Made a Throne: Why We Call the Darkest Day in History "Good"

It's Good Friday.

I've always found that title, "Good Friday," to be odd in a funny sort of way. This is the day we observe our Lord, our King, Jesus Christ, the Messiah dying violently and unjustly on a Roman cross. He was given hasty and corrupt trials, whipped and beaten beyond recognition, scorned and mocked, and then nailed up on a cross. And we call this day good.

Why would we call this day "good"? Are we stupid or something? No, not at all. We acknowledge and understand that Good Friday was the darkest day in history, the day the Lord Jesus died. But we also understand and rejoice that Jesus did not merely die on the cross; he won.

You see, all of history came to its climax in this singular event. The curse of death first pronounced over mankind through Adam's sin, the centuries of costly, bloody animal sacrifices, the rampant sin, sickness, and suffering of mankind, the tiresome and futile adherence to the Law of Moses... All of this plagued the world. But all the while there was hope, a promise of the Messiah who would restore the world and mankind's relationship with God. He would be a King, come to deliver Israel. He was first prophesied by God himself (Gen. 3:15) and later through all the prophets of the Old Testament. God faithfully brought his promise to reality, remaining faithful to Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and the whole nation of Israel. There were wars, victories and losses, kings and judges, prophets and priests, sacrifices and feasts, all pointing to this, the cross and Jesus on it.

The irony of "Good Friday" is reflected in the very life and ministry of Jesus. He was expected to be a political king, yet he led a humble life, embracing poverty and sacrificial servanthood to others. He lived a perfectly holy and righteous life, and yet he was reviled by the religious elites. He was the 'yes and amen' to all the prophesies of the Old Testament, yet he was often met with skepticism. He was indeed the King of the Jews and Son of God, yet his people ushered him not onto a throne but a bloody cross. 

By his suffering and death, he became the one-and-for-all sacrifice to satisfy the wrath of God against sin and sinners. He did not only die a physical death; he drank the cup of God's wrath in our place. He laid down his life willingly, obedient to the Father, to make war with the curse of death. And in the very moment he seemed his weakest, he had sealed for eternity his victory and our redemption. Τετέλεσται, "It is finished."

Apologist Ravi Zacharias puts it most poignantly with these words (pictured above):

"They gave him a cross, not guessing that he would make it a throne.

They flung him outside the gates to die, not knowing that in that very moment they were lifting up all the gates of the universe to let the King of Glory come in.

They thought to root out his doctrines, not understanding that they were implanting imperishably in the hearts of men the very name they intended to destroy.

They thought they had God with his back to the wall, [...] helpless and defeated. They did not know that it was God who has tracked them down to that spot.

He did not conquer in spite of evil; he conquered through it."

This is the goodness of Good Friday: that in the suffering of abuses and painful death, Jesus secured forever victory over sin and death, making himself the ultimate victorious King. 

"Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied;

by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant,

make many to be accounted righteous,

and he shall bear their iniquities."

(Isaiah 53:11, ESV)

Every Leaf of Spring: A Poem for Easter

Several years ago, I heard this quote of Martin Luther during a "Secret Church" podcast by pastor David Platt: "Our Lord has written the promise of resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in springtime." These insightful words of this great reformer remind us that God has designed springtime as a natural testament to his redemptive plan. Spring is juxtaposed with winter. Winter is a season symbolic of death or lifelessness, while spring is symbolic of life and hope. In the winter, we eagerly await the coming of spring, flowers blooming, animals playing, and a warmer sun. This cycle of nature is an annual reminder of what it represents: Jesus's triumph over death after laying in his grave for three days, which we celebrate at Easter, as well as Jesus's triumphant return that we are still waiting for with hope and longing. How wonderful that God gives us such beautiful things as flowers to remind us of his goodness and gospel! 

Shortly after hearing Luther's words, I was inspired to write a children's poem expressing the parallels between natural seasons and God's redemptive story that we read about in the Bible. I hope you enjoy it as we transition into springtime and celebrate Holy Week and Easter! Feel free to share this with your own children as you seek to teach them the meaning of Easter. 

Every Leaf of Spring

(by Elizabeth McGee, 2013)

In the beginning

It was summer all the time,

And everyone was perfect,

And everything was fine.

But summer went away

At the moment of the fall.

And God promised us he'd make a way

For summer to return, once and for all.

The wait felt like forever,

But one fateful winter night

Jesus came to rescue us

And make all wrong things right.

He faced all of winter's icy dread

And felt death's stinging pain.

Just when he seemed defeated,

He woke up, alive again!

Still, seasons come and seasons go,

And life still sometimes stings.

But my Jesus is returning, this I know

By every leaf of spring.

9 Truths About Wisdom: Part Two

4. Foundational wisdom is the fear of the LORD.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,
and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight."
(Proverbs 9:10, ESV)

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;

all those who practice it have a good understanding.

His praise endures forever!"

(Psalm 111:10, ESV)

If you want to grow in wisdom according to the wisdom of God, this is where you must start. 

The "fear of the LORD" is often a confusing phrase to people. What it basically means is to revere God with trust and honor and due respect. God is loving and welcomes sinners; we do not need to be afraid of him, but we also need to respect him with the understanding that he is huge and mighty and holy and that we are not. 

Let me be very clear about this: there is no way to fear the LORD aside from submitting to his Kingship through faith and surrender to Jesus Christ. Being a blood-bought Christian (i.e. fearing the LORD) is a prerequisite and foundation to growth in real wisdom, wisdom that flows from and points back to God. This means believing the gospel and receiving grace. The gospel is, in fact, the wisdom of God and wisdom from God. 

5. Wisdom is valuable.

"Take my instruction instead of silver,

and knowledge rather than choice gold,

for wisdom is better than jewels,

and all that you may desire cannot compare with her."

(Proverbs 8:10-11, ESV)

"How much better to get wisdom than gold!

To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver."

(Proverbs 16:16, ESV)

Wisdom is valuable because it is rare. This is basic economics. A commodity that is rare or hard to come by is more expensive and a treasure to those who possess it. This is even more true for wisdom because you can't have it by merely being wealthy. You have to seek it, mine it out yourself, and root out your own foolishnesses by the help of the Holy Spirit in order to possess it. Once you have it, oh, it is such a treasure. 

(Disclaimer: Nobody ever has all wisdom but God. We are growing in wisdom. But to have any wisdom is a treasure, and each new degree of wisdom gained is a treasure.)

6. Wisdom is practical.

"Ponder the path of your feet;

then all your ways will be sure.

Do not swerve to the right or to the left;

turn your foot away from evil."

(Proverbs 4:26-27, ESV)

"In everything the prudent acts with knowledge,

but a fool flaunts his folly."

(Proverbs 13:16, ESV)

Wisdom is practical. It is applicable for everyday life for all people. Whether you are a missionary, a stay-at-home mom, a college student, or a little girl, wisdom comes to bear in your day-to-day life. 

Proverbs 4:26-27 (above) speaks of "the path of your feet." This is a figurative reference to choices. Making good choices keeps you on a good "path," while making bad choices directs you on a bad "path." As the proverb says, to "ponder the path of your feet" (i.e. consider your choices with wisdom and discernment) prevents you from "[swerving]" off the good path. Good choices begin with wise thinking.

This is where we often see a limited degree of wisdom possessed by non-Christians. For example, it's wise to eat a basically healthy diet. There are natural consequences to ignoring that wisdom. Many people embrace that wisdom and certainly don't need to be Christians to do so! This is a common grace of God and, I believe, also a way that people show their design as image-bearers and, though they deny the true God, give him glory. However, we must note that this common wisdom is very much limited when it does not flow from a heart that fears, loves, and worships the Lord. 

Your choices matter. This makes me think of a poster I've seen in classrooms. It says something like, "Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character." This is so true! It's not a slippery slope argument. It's just true. This is why Paul admonishes us to take our thoughts captive and bring them into submission to Christ. (See 2 Corinthians 10:5.) The fruit of the Spirit includes self-control, and, by the Spirit's help, we can exercise this, even in the tricky area of our thoughts.

Not only can wisdom inform good choices, but also choices (good or bad) will give evidence to your true character, whether it is wise or foolish. Jesus tells us in Luke 6:43-45 that your fruit (i.e. choices) give evidence to what is in your heart. You can judge the root by the fruit. What is your fruit saying about your heart? Look also at Proverbs 13:16 (above). It testifies that "a fool flaunts his folly." How does a fool flaunt his folly other than by acting and speaking like a fool? As women of the Word and daughters of God, let us make it our ambition to "flaunt" God's wisdom, starting with our hearts.

9 Truths About Wisdom: Part One

1. Wisdom is knowledge & insight.

“I, wisdom, dwell with prudence,

and I find knowledge and discretion."

(Proverbs 8:12, ESV)

                This may be the most universal understanding of what wisdom is. Most people, when they think of wisdom, picture Tibetan monks or Ghandi -- people who are clearly unique compared to the rest of humanity in their practices and the way they speak and think. We see these types of ultra-pious lifestyles and often think that is what true wisdom must be.

                We know that wisdom is mysterious in a sense; some have it and others don't, and even those who have it seem to never fully arrive in it. Do the wise know something the rest of us don't? In a sense, the answer is usually yes because wisdom is knowledge and insight, so the implication is that if you aren't wise you lack knowledge and insight. However, wisdom is available to all people, not just an elite few. The only thing that I believe sets apart "wise" people and "unwise" people is (a) fear of the Lord and (b) teachability. Those things are rare but not unattainable in the least. All people are accountable to grow in wisdom; you are either growing in wisdom or on a foolish path to destruction. In order to understand this better, we need to understand the concept of wisdom from a Christian worldview.

2. God is wise.

"The Lord by wisdom founded the earth;

by understanding he established the heavens;"

(Proverbs 3:19, ESV)

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."

(Isaiah 55:9, ESV)

What makes wisdom trustworthy? What makes wisdom wise? Wisdom is valuable and trustworthy because it flows from God as part of his intrinsic character. It makes sense that wisdom is an attribute of God because he is all-knowing, and his complete knowledge is evident by virtue of the fact that he created the universe and thus knows all the ins and outs of it. 

In this we also see that God's wisdom is indisputably greater than ours; no man is as wise as God. Because we are created in God's image, we have a special capacity for wisdom, but we are nevertheless human and not God, created and not creator. We are faithful reflections of God when we grow in wisdom, but we are reflections only, not the true source. 

3. There are two kinds of wisdom: wisdom of the world and  wisdom of God.

"The law of the Lord is perfect,

reviving the soul;

the testimony of the Lord is sure,

making wise the simple;"

(Psalm 19:7, ESV)

"Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men."

(1 Corinthians 1:20-25, ESV)

The Bible makes a clear distinction that there are two kinds of wisdom: the wisdom of the world and the wisdom of God. These two categories are at odds with each other. Let's briefly examine some key differences in the two.

The Wisdom of the World:

• trusts man's judgement and knowledge
• distrusts God's judgement and knowledge
• values earthly rewards
• devalues eternal rewards
• values observable strength and power
• devalues humility and meekness
• seeks after earthly pleasure
• avoids delayed gratification
• seeks personal glory

The Wisdom of God:

• trusts God's judgement and knowledge
• distrusts man's judgement and knowledge
• supremely values eternal rewards
• thanks God for earthly rewards
• values humility and meekness
• distrusts observable strength and power
• embraces delayed gratification
• is not deceived by earthly pleasure
• seeks God's glory

We see these two worldviews contrasted best in Jesus's redemptive work. Mankind throughout history has observed that there is a divine power and that there is a "God-mankind gap" because of moral failings and limited abilities/knowledge. Christians can agree with most of the world on this. But there are distinct differences in how the wisdom of the world proposes reconciliation of God and man and how the wisdom of God proposes reconciliation between God and man. 

The wisdom of the world believes that man can earn a restored moral standing before God by doing good works (ex: offerings to God, kindness to others, pious living). Some version of this view is evident in every single world religion. In this view, only the most moral and wise, an elite few, persons have a realistic chance at redemption. And those who do achieve whatever standard they've adopted get all the credit for their redemption because they did it from their own effort. For those who are not the elite few that are very moral and wise, their best option is to close the God-mankind gap by diminishing God's holiness and judgement rather than putting heavy moral burdens on themselves. Both of these approaches are hopeless.

The wisdom of God tells us that man is incapable of earning a restored moral standing before God because we are incredibly sinful, sinful at the heart, sinful in all our intentions, and utterly morally flawed. God knows that we cannot come to him, and so he came to us. But he did not come to us in a way that diminished his holiness or his judgement. Rather, he made himself the perfect moral sacrifice in our place and directed his holy judgement toward himself instead of us. By doing this, he preserved his righteousness, holiness, and just wrath but also made a legally sound way for us to receive his mercy and grace, thus closing the God-mankind gap. By removing the legal demands of moral law from our requirements for reconciliation to himself, he made it available to all people: the weak, the uneducated, the poor, the unpopular, etc. (See 1 Corinthians 1:26-31.) And no one who receives this gift gets credit for it; only God gets all the glory because he did all the work. This is our only hope, and what a wonderful hope it is!

Do you want to know how polarized these two types of wisdom are? The wisdom of the world is so opposite of the wisdom of God that it calls his wisdom foolish. And the wisdom of God is so opposite of the wisdom of the world that it proves it to be foolish. The two cannot be reconciled; one is true, and the other is false. And we have to decide which one we want to live by. If you want to live by the wisdom of God, be prepared to be thought a fool.

From Orphan to Heiress: How God Saved Me

I was raised in church...

I suppose I've been going to church since I was just a little zygote in my mom's tummy. Throughout my early years, she faithfully raised my sister and I in the fear and admonition of the Lord. We were taught to trust the Bible, believe in the goodness of God, pray, and sing songs of praise and thanksgiving. And I loved it; I embraced all of these practices with joy. Loving God seemed so simple then. As I got a little older, I became more and more aware of the necessity of putting my faith in Jesus as my Lord and Savior via Youth Group functions and such. That also seemed quite simple.

At the time, I felt comfortable saying "Yes" to all the "Do you believe..." questions. Yes, I believed that God is real, that he's a Trinity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Yes, I believed that Jesus was the only way to Heaven and to avoid Hell. Yes, I believed the Bible was true and trust-worthy. Yes, I wanted to have Jesus in my life. I believed all these things because it's what my mom faithfully taught me from the beginning of my life, as well as other Kingdom servants in church. There was never a question for me if any of the above statements about Christianity were true. 

The tricky thing about believing is that believing isn't enough. Oh, yes, it's true! Look at this: "You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe -- and shudder!" (James 2:19, ESV) That's right, sister... Satan and his demons aren't stupid. They believe the truth about God more than many "basically good" people do; the Father of Lies has to know the truth in order to lie. Belief is not enough.

So which side of that fateful line did my belief fall on: effective faith that saves, or mere recognition of the facts without true faith? 

Unfortunately, it was the latter. You see, the one thing I did not believe was that I was a sinner. And so I went on through my church-going years, through Elementary school and Youth Group, participating in Bible lessons and corporate worship, memorizing Scripture and learning the rules of Christian living. And in all of that -- all of that exposure and nearness to the truth of Jesus -- I never understood why I needed him in the picture of my moral life. 

I grew self-righteous and proud, full of contempt for the un-churched and immoral, confident that my ways and wisdom were perfect. And somewhere along the way, I realized that I was smarter than God. 


So, I put God to the test...

By the time I was 15, I had a few friends who claimed a homosexual identity and/or didn't believe in God. And I loved them! But I also knew that the Bible named homosexuals among the various idolators that will not inherit the Kingdom of God and that not believing in God is an awfully dismal start to receiving pardon from Hell. (See 1 Corinthians 6:9-10.) But, I observed that these supposedly damned friends were basically good people, perhaps even better. How could God send such as these to Hell? And, for that matter, who made God the boss? Who says that Christianity is the only legitimate religious truth?

And so I set out on a mission to discover some answers to those vitally important questions. Settling the legitimacy of Christianity would definitely be the silver-bullet answer to clear up any further confusion. First, I needed to know what evidence is there that the Christian faith is more true than other faiths, such as Hinduism or Islam? In church they were always saying "faith saves" and "faith is all you need" and the like. Apparently "faith" is the most important ingredient in the effectiveness of Christianity. But, don't Muslims have faith? Don't Hindus? And, in many cases, is their faith not equally if not more resolute than that of Christians? So, if all you need is a strong "faith," it appears that every other religion has what it takes!  

I say this now in hindsight: What I did not understand was that it is not the strength of your faith but the object of your faith that determines the effectiveness of your faith. If I put every fiber of my faith in a rock, my faith will not be effective for more than making me a fool because a rock is a lousy object for my faith. But if I put a even a tiny bit of faith in Jesus, my faith will work well beyond my expectations because Jesus is a powerful object for my faith. Faith does not save anyone. Jesus does. 

"[...] For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20, ESV)

Back to me as a 15 year old... having concluded that every religion had the necessary components of a legitimate claim to a truth monopoly, I set about to determine if perhaps the Bible was reliable. And I tested it against only the most reliable of straight-edges: human science and personal experience. (I'm being sarcastic.) Well, science clearly does not support animals having an arbitrary instinct to come in orderly pairs and enter a boat (referencing the Flood in Genesis), nor does it support a virgin birth (referencing Mary's conception of Jesus). I mean, a virgin birth is pretty silly... And personal experience did not verify God's ability to remove suffering or really make any tangible improvements on life, least of all making Christians better people. I've met a lot of nominal and well-meaning Christians that are not nice at all. (If I'm honest, I used to be one of them.)

Well, what a relief it was to finally have the answer to end all questions! I had been wrestling for so long with trying to fit in the "Christian" box and make moral sense of my friends and the world around me. Finally, the truth was out: the Bible is false, God is not real, and I am no longer bound to moral rules and regulations. 


And so began my truthless years...

Although I felt I had made a golden discovery that there is no moral truth, the reality was that I had let go of the last shred of reason and meaning in my life. I let go of the grid or framework to which every choice in my life referenced. I was more lost than ever, and so I clung with all my might to a new truth, a new grid and framework: nihilistic hedonism.

Nihilistic hedonism is a two-fold belief system. First, nihilism is the skeptical rejection of all moral systems and truth claims and the belief that life is essentially meaningless. Second, hedonism, to put it simply, is the pursuit of sensual pleasure (e.g. enjoying a wicked good slice of cheesecake, etc.). What that basically meant for my life was that I acknowledged almost no moral boundaries to my actions and pursuits of pleasure, and I also believed there were no ultimate consequence for my choices. 

This is the part of my testimony that I'm always fuzzy on... not because I don't remember (although I was that intoxicated a lot of the time) but because I am really not sure how much is appropriate to share. I don't want to glory in my past sin, and I don't want to scandalize you unnecessarily. However, I do feel like some general facts of that season of my life are important because they help illustrate how truly dark and hopeless and dead my life used to be. 

"And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not the be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them." (Romans 1:28-32, ESV)

I did not start drinking right away. I still had never been kissed. And drugs were out of the question. But choice by choice and over time I capitulated on every one of those fronts and went far beyond what I had ever intended. And with every blackout, every boyfriend, and every high I became a little more numb. I lost my sense of self-worth and what was left of my sensitivities. This continued to the point that I was 19, four years later, estranged from my family, constantly high, depressed, bulimic, and full of very painful regrets. I was a shell of a woman. And I was desperate.


Desperation is an opportunity...

By the time I was back in Auburn to start my Sophomore year, you could say I was a blank slate. I had realized I didn't have all the answers, and I was willing to do a some soul searching. Within a couple of weeks, I realized something: I was dirty. 

You have to understand, despite the overwhelming evidence of that fact, I had never realized it as an absolute reality. But there it was, piercing my heart while I sat all alone, crafting in my apartment bedroom. My soul was permanently smudged and stained with true moral guilt of the acutest kind, and my heart and spirit were irrevocably burdened with shame. My sin was a deeply tragic fact, a bell that "cannot be un-rung," so to speak. The consequences were more than I could bear. 

I spent the next couple of weeks living this new existence, the life of one marked "guilty." Everywhere I went, I felt like there was a stamp on my forehead announcing my shame. I was convinced that everyone I knew could see the stain on my soul. I was mortified with embarrassment. This external perceptibility felt so real that I determined it would keep me from ever getting a decent job or becoming a respectable adult in society. I knew there was no way to "scrub" the shame away or relieve my guilt, but I felt there could be some way to whitewash it a little... some moral teaching and behavior management, perhaps. 

Oh, wait... that sounds an awful lot like religion. 

What a great idea! But which should I choose: Hinduism (they do have fancy spirituality), Islam (nah, don't want to wear a burka), or Christianity? Well, I was in the Bible Belt, after all, so a church would be the most convenient way to go. Of course, I had no intentions of actually believing in God or the existence of any deity; that would be ridiculous. I merely wanted a community of quasi friends to accept me as I am and give me some practical tips for living a morally decent life. Although, I did realize that my Christian friends may feel unnecessarily burdened by the idea of my soul being damned, so I resolved to be sensitive and just not tell them about that. I wouldn't want them worrying. It was a perfect plan!

And so I went to church...

My mom had some friends who were local to me and volunteered to take my sorry butt to church. (This was necessary logistically because I didn't have a car.) It was September 4, 2011. We went to Lakeview Baptist Church, a providentially conservative and gospel-centered congregation. 

Part 1: Sunday School. The college students met in a huge room (AKA "The Fellowship Hall"). Lucky for me, I got there early and was all alone, so I got to feel incredibly awkward as probably a couple hundred happy Christians poured into the room. Great. Not to mention, I felt super guilty just being there. I wanted to run. I didn't know how I'd get home, but I could manage a working escape plan. 

It was time to pick a seat. 

Then, the lights dimmed and the music started. We all stood up to sing together, although I didn't sing. The lyrics were up on big projector screens, so I took the opportunity to enrich myself by reading them, hoping to glean some golden tips for being a better person. Well, that wasn't exactly what they said... it was less like Proverbs and more like Romans. 

The first lyrics spoke of the despair of sin, how hopeless we are, and how truly wretched and filthy sin is. I specifically remember that they even used that word "stain." And I thought... How do they know about my stain? This was not what I came there for! I want help and answers, not to have my shame drudged back up and rubbed in my face! I felt the sadness of my situation washing over me.

Then the next lyrics shocked and captivated me. (Hint: They were about Jesus.) They spoke of the God-Man Jesus: how he chose, of his own volition, to leave the cleanest, awesomest home of Heaven and come into dirty, flawed Earth and be around sinful, nasty people. If that's not weird enough, get this: he suffered and died (again, his choice) for the opportunity to become dirty and to give us his wonderful cleanness. 

WHAT?? I was just fascinated by the whole thing! And here I thought that growing up in church I could've recited the gospel in my sleep. Well, I had never heard it like that! This gospel was amazing, and the most amazing part of it to me was how strange Jesus's behavior seemed. Did he know how good he had it in Heaven? Did he know how grievous it is to be dirty with sin? Why would he give up his cleanness and choose that for himself? 

I gotta tell you, I found the whole story to be absolutely beautiful. I wanted it to be true. But, alas, I knew for a fact that there was no such thing as "God" and no spiritual plane of reality. We are physical and finite beings, and that is that. It was too bad, I thought, because I would love to be clean like Jesus. 

Part 2: "Big Church." Normally Brother Al Jackson preaches on Sundays at Lakeview, but this fateful day there was a guest preacher: evangelist Mark Cahill. He wasn't there to share the gospel with us; it was assumed the congregation had that part figured out. He was there to encourage people to share the gospel. ...not exactly a message designed for the atheist in the room. 

But in his message, he shared story after story of skeptics seeing evidence of a spiritual reality: seeing angels and other supernatural events. These were people like me: faithless, rational, skeptical, scientific. Yet, they testified to seeing these things, which proved them to be real. And there, in that large gathering room, I found my most fundamental presuppositions about reality challenged and shaken. By the end of his message, I felt the most utter despair and desperation that I have ever felt in all my life and will likely ever feel again. This man and his words took the last smidgeon of beliefs I had and left me with nothing. I was empty, drained of meaning, drained of knowledge, void of purpose or hope. Now what? I thought. I came here for answers and all that has happened is that I have more  questions. 


Just then...

Brother Al made his way to the altar. He shared the gospel once more and invited anyone who would come to receive the gift of salvation. I was literally stunned, and in that moment God himself entered my mind and whole being and spoke to my heart in a way that cannot be accurately defined as words but was full of clarity. This overwhelming encounter made me feel as foolish as one can feel for not having seen the plainest truth that God is indeed real, that he's not merely real but also immensely powerful and big. And though I felt so foolish, here he was, telling me that all I'd heard that day was true, that he meant it for me, that he wanted me to hear it and know. 

There is no word more accurate than "humbling" to describe the feeling of having denied, mocked, and hated the God of the universe your entire life and have him return to you a personal pursuit, love, grace, and mercy. As far as this amazing gift of cleanness offered in Jesus, the clearest word from God was something like, I want you to have it. 

I would be lying if I said I received it right away. That's shocking after having such a powerful and clear revelation from God, right? But Satan did not want to be done with me yet. Here are some of the lies he told me: You have done just fine your whole life without God, and you don't need him now. (False; my life was a self-induced wreck.) All of your friends are atheists, and they won't stay your friend if you become a Christian. (Okay, that part turned out to be sadly true in many cases.) You are so filthy; everyone knows it; no one will believe you if you say you of all people have Christ in you. (False; Jesus made me clean, and no one can argue with a changed life.) 

I almost didn't go. 

But God gave me strength and made my feet move. In a rush of purpose, I squeezed past my entire pew, stepped onto the aisle, and made haste to the nearest pastor. When he asked me what I needed, I had no words. He immediately understood. He opened his Bible and read this to me:

"Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance."

(Luke 15:7, ESV)

Then he prayed with me, and I finally received the gift of salvation in Jesus. Jesus took the heavy load of my guilt and sin, and in return he gave me all his cleanness and peace: the great exchange.

From that day, I have not been the girl I was before. My life once was marked with unrighteousness and regret, and now is filled with growing righteousness and the peace of Christ. I was dead and in darkness, and now I am alive and walking in the light. I was one with no hope, and now I have saving hope in the one true God. 

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."

(2 Corinthians 5:17, ESV)